My iPhone is having a Meltdown

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I leave my charger at home.

I’m gone for three days out in the country.

It’s not as bad as leaving your defibrillator at home

[ if you had one ] or your meds

But it’s up there.

No other charger fits.

My iPhone is having a meltdown.

What am I going to do? It says.

Chill, I say, chill.

You’ll make it. Just.

More importantly, what are YOU going to do? It says.

True, I say, true. Use you less?

We’ll pretend we don’t know each other

for three days.

Deal? I say.

Deal, my iPhone says.

We shake hands.

It’s all cool.

 

 

 

Axe Throwing

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My daughter has been Axe Throwing with some friends from work.

Apparently it is the new thing.

It’s a bit like darts only more dangerous,

I’ve been hit with a dart in the hand the last time I played,

Being hit with a hatchet would be a totally different thing.

People are encouraged to bury the hatchet in the target not in each other.

This is not ‘Vikings’.

It looks like fun. I’m thinking of going along.

But I have too many axes to grind so I better

stick to darts.

 

* have you ever been axe throwing? or taken part in any other dangerous activity?

*if axe throwing is a more dangerous form of darts what is a more dangerous form of chess?

 

Anniversary

pool

Do you realize it’s our anniversary today?

No, I didn’t.

Yes, we met a year ago today. In this pool.

Is that right?

Do you know something else?

What? She says.

We have never seen each other with clothes on.

You make it sound sexy. What shall we do to celebrate?

Swim, I suppose.

So off we go, me in my lane, she in hers, like we’ve been doing every Sunday for a year.

 

  • do you remember where you spent your first anniversary?

 

How To Read Signs

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Any chance of a coffee, Cheryl?

I’m busy, John. Can you get one from the machine? It does a good job.

Not as good as you, Cheryl.

She smiled but it was no go. So I went to the machine. There was a sign on it saying, Apologies. This Machine Is Out Of Order.

So I went and told Cheryl.

That’s funny, she said. It was working earlier. I’ll have a look.

A few minutes later, she brought me a coffee.

The machine’s working, John but I brought you a coffee anyway.

That’s funny: the sign said it wasn’t working.

The sign was on the side of the machine, she said. Only if it’s on the front does it hold true.

Oh? I said. Oh.

So I thanked her and after I drank the coffee, I left, a little troubled.

At home, I flipped through the community newspaper and found just the course I wanted: How To Read Signs. I filled out the form, sent in the cheque and enrolled immediately.

Never again would I be caught short before a sign.

 

 

 

Drive-Ins

Sunset_Drive_in

I passed the old Drive-In, the one we used to go to when I was a kid, that time we saw ‘Giant’, for instance, on the giant tilted screen, and I wanted to be cool and edgy as James Dean, and how after the movie when we were driving home around midnight, we heard on he radio that a plane had just fallen from the sky during a snowstorm over a corn field in Iowa and a chill filled our car the day the music died.

 

which movie star did you want to be like when you were a kid?

did you watch movies at drive-ins with your folks? do you remember any particular film?

what were you doing when you heard about the deaths of Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Richie Valens?