I wish I had never known.
Wish I had never found out
Wish I had never made that search
But I did. And that was that.
I should have remembered what
curiosity did to the cat.
But I remembered Sunday mornings
at the pool; we would walk up and down
brushing against each other
you in your lane, me in mine, sharing stories,
laughing, not getting much swimming done, giddy
in each other’s presence. We used to joke
we never saw each other in clothes.
You were always glad to see me
you were striking in your black swim suit
and blonde hair; you had an artist’s laugh
but then I had my sudden operation and when
I got back, a month later, you weren’t there.
I didn’t have your number; I asked discreetly
at the desk but they wouldn’t say. I tried Facebook
but you had a strange surname. I assumed
you moved to a pool closer to home or you
were busy with family. Four years later
unattached and lonely, I tracked you down
and found why you never returned.
You died in Feb, 2016. Peacefully at home.
All that time I thought you were alive.
But you had long gone. Death had closed
the gate. If only I hadn’t waited.
If only I’d tried sooner. But I was much too late.