Wished I Never Knew

I wish I had never known.

Wish I had never found out

Wish I had never made that search

But I did. And that was that.

I should have remembered what

curiosity did to the cat.

But I remembered Sunday mornings

at the pool; we would walk up and down

brushing against each other

you in your lane, me in mine, sharing stories,

laughing, not getting much swimming done, giddy

in each other’s presence. We used to joke

we never saw each other in clothes.

You were always glad to see me

you were striking in your black swim suit

and blonde hair; you had an artist’s laugh

but then I had my sudden operation and when

I got back, a month later, you weren’t there.

I didn’t have your number; I asked discreetly

at the desk but they wouldn’t say. I tried Facebook

but you had a strange surname. I assumed

you moved to a pool closer to home or you

were busy with family. Four years later

unattached and lonely, I tracked you down

and found why you never returned.

You died in Feb, 2016. Peacefully at home.

All that time I thought you were alive.

But you had long gone. Death had closed

the gate. If only I hadn’t waited.

If only I’d tried sooner. But I was much too late.