An Altercation with Auto-Correct

 

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When I started out on my post on Pachelbel he was, in spite of being dead a few hundred years, in pretty good nick. Now it has come to my attention that he is not well. Worse, he has undergone a frightful transformation. ‘Transmogrified’ is the word.

Literal minded, know nothing, bossy auto-correct is the villain.

Whenever I wrote ‘Pachelbel, auto-correct fiercely underlined it with red, saying, No, No, that is not a word.[it is doing it now]. Then what word am I after? I asked. The word you are after it asserted was — wait for it! — ‘Bellyache’. What? Are you mad? I said. How do you get ‘Bellyache’ out of ‘Pachelbel’? Auto-correct became belligerent and I’m sad to report we came to fisticuffs. Finally bruised and black-eyed I over-rode auto-correct. There was no way soothing Pachelbel would become painful Bellyache! Afterwards though I did have a good belly-laugh over it.

Auto-correct is no longer speaking to me.

 

Have you had similar problems with auto-correct?

Bar Room Brawl

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You had to fore warn people.

It was not a good look.

Scabs and bruises on the upper lip

Sores on the nose

So you said, “bar room brawl”

Half jokingly, “but you should have seen

The other fellow.”

It was more dramatic, more grunge-romantic

Than humdrum “cold sores.”

Creature

 

 

creature

 

 

She likes the new me, the gentler me.

The one that’s considerate and consoling.

The nicer me. The fun me.

The accepting me.

Not the old one

Who criticizes and condemns

From his high moral ground.

Though we all know the old me lurks

just beneath the surface.

The creature from the black lagoon.

 

 

 

Don’t Be Creepy

small eye

 

Don’t be creepy, I said, as she slunk down the passageway when she heard me

come inside and began circling the bowl.

I just fed you an hour ago.

But she looked up at me with her one cold, implacable eye.

Look at you, I said. You’re tubby.

I’m not fat, she said, Just fluffy. Will you please feed me?

I had no comeback for that.

You can’t argue with a cat.