Bella

the breeze is slurping my face

like Bella’s pink dog tongue

when sick, I slumped on the sofa

Party

You’ve just had two hours of chemo

and an injection of white blood cells.

And you’re jumping out of yr skin

Where’s the party ? you say.

Where’s the party?

But there’s no party.

There’s only the house meeting.

That will do, you say.

You can turn that into a party.

Timing is Everything

Timing is Everything.

It’s like stand-up.

The audience is a bowl

of expectations.

Can you pull it off

this time?

Now you’ve taken your meds.

You stand tall,

clutch the old mike.

Come on, baby, you say.

Don’t die on me now.

Then weeeeeeeeeeee

out it comes

in one joyful, exuberant stream

like a stallion.

What a performance.

You will sleep well tonight.

Bad Prophet

You prophesy

there’s a flood coming

so I make a run for it

dash inside

flip the lid —

there’s only a trickle.

You fickle !

Learnt a Few Things Today

Learnt a Few Things Today.

Learnt a few things today: that prunes

are prime movers;

hashi are chopsticks;

that sometimes the least visited blogs

are the most interesting

[ kudos to you, Don],

that it’s as good to stand up, clap, sing

& wave your body about as if you’re at

a rock concert,

& that endorphins are the sacrament

that a higher power has bestowed

on us mere mortals.

Too Close For Comfort

I had just unzipped at the left urinal when he took the one next to me, even though the one on the right was vacant.

We were shoulder to shoulder. We were that close.

He had bright orange hair like Mick Hucknall from Simply Red.

I hummed a few bars of “If You Don’t Know Me By Now’ just in case but there was nothing.

Hi, I’m Charlie, he offered.

Umm, I’m John. We don’t have to shake hands do we?

No, of course not, he said. You come here often.

Only to pee, I said. How about you?

Yes, much the same.

Then we both entered the zone, quietly exuding, self satisfied sighs.

We must stop meeting like this, I said wryly.

Then he zipped up and went to the basin and when he had gone I did the same.

This does not happen to me often. In fact, it was the first time which is why I’m writing about it.

Weird, huh ?

• pic courtesy of pinterest

Turning Purple

I am all alone

in my shorts and T

on the naked beach.

The sun goes in.

The temperature drops.

A cold breeze picks up.

I head off towards the distant jetty.

Even the gulls have deserted.

No kite boarders. No surfers.

Something is happening to my hands.

I look down

They are changing colour.

Turning purple.

The backs.

The palms.

I am both scared and fascinated.

I can’t take my eyes off them.

I look it up on Google later

when I get home

It has a name.

Peripheral Cyanosis.

• have you ever experienced it or something similar?

Blur

A fog comes down between you and the world.

Words have to scramble through.

A dog’s breakfast of sounds.

Turning the volume up on the TV only increases the blur.

Why does one sense desert you when others

are intact?

Every now and then yr ears pop

and the world of sounds : leaf blowers.

crows caw, the Harley revving up

across the road, the postman’s whistle,

comes rushing at you with all its

clarity and clangor.

You Give Me the Shits !

You give me the shits, is perhaps the highest compliment

you can pay a piece of fruit ; moondrop grapes, for instance,

sometimes called ‘sapphires, ’ loosen the bowels and keep

you regular; I like being a regular guy; I like being called

‘a regular guy’ and wonder how they know? Does it show?

Do ‘regular guys’ emit a glow that constipated guys don’t?

Moreover, moondrop grapes are delicious and send you

in the right orbit for the rest of the day.

Protocols for Bon-Bon Popping

There are protocols for almost everything you can think of:

how to behave on a first date, how to address royalty,

whether to fart in public or hold it in, the etiquette of blogging,

BUT WHAT are the protocols for bon-bon popping?

Over Xmas dinner the other night, we couldn’t decide when;

whether, as I thought, at the beginning of proceedings to start

the evening with a bang ; but my daughters were of the opinion

before the main meal but nonna shook her head, no, no, she proclaimed,

it must be after; we checked the box they came in, in the hope

that the protocols were printed there. Google was no help

nor the shop we bought them in. In the end they weren’t popped at all.

Oh well, we said. Let’s hope we can work it out by New Years’.