Two Pockets

Ever think about pockets? the post asked.

Whenever I buy clothes, I say, I always think pockets.

Doesn’t everyone?

Two pockets. Roomy, Capacious, Like the report said.

The top left for the wallet, the right for the mobile so I can whip it out like a gun from a holster and do a Covid Safe check-in.

.If someone buys me a shirt with no pockets I won’t wear it.

If someone buys me a shirt with one pocket, I might.

Sometimes you gotta compromise.

Trousers too. Two hands, Two pockets.

It doesn’t get much simpler than that.

I like to walk around sometimes with my hands in my pockets.

It helps me think.

I’ve got a dressing gown with one pocket. What am I supposed to do

with the other hand??

I’ve heard that shrouds have NO pockets.

I don’t intend dying anytime soon.





  • google Roadtirement Blog for the post and video

My Walter Mitty V- Neck

Do you like this hi-neck sweater? she says. I’d like to buy it for you for Xmas. But you’ve got to keep it a secret.

I don’t know, he says. I prefer V-necks. Will you buy me a V-neck instead?

What have you got against hi-necks anyway?

You can’t whip your iPhone out or wallet from your top pocket at a moment’s notice, he says.

You’re not Walter Mitty? are you she says. You’re not a gunslinger.

But, but ….

And your top pockets are not holsters, are they? And this is West Lakes Shopping Centre NOT the Wild West!!

Can’t a guy dream? I smile

  • do you know who Walter Mitty is?
  • do you sometimes fantasize about being someone else?
  • do the clothes you wear create fantasies or do you buy certain clothes because they ‘feed’ a fantasy?

Sandals

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I like a guy with sandals.

Jesus wore them.

Buddha too.

I bet Mahatma did as well.

All the good guys wore sandals.

Allan Ginsberg did when he delivered ‘Howl’

on that memorable day

and The Archies when they sang ‘Sugar Sugar’ on the cartoon channel.

They’re not exactly power dressing

but you can trust a man who wears sandals.

or Woman.

My yoga teacher wore sandals.

She taught me the value of non attachment

though we were both attached to our sandals.

Socrates too.

He died in his sandals like cowboys with their boots on.

And so it goes.

I don’t know about celebs.

I think Clint Eastwood did in ‘A Few Dollars More’.

and Justin Bieber in his clip ‘Love Yourself’

Our Prime Minister wears sandals when he goes to the beach.

There’s a picture of Jesus walking on water in his sandals.

I tried it.

It doesn’t work

but I still wear my sandals.

 

On Not Wearing Vests

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Over the last four days I have not worn a vest it has been so hot.

It felt sort of liberating like women not wearing bras.

I have always worn a vest.

I have never questioned it.

Though an Aussie, I am of British stock. Wearing a vest is as ingrained as having a stiff upper lip during adversity or thinking of the Queen when trying not to go ‘all the way’.

My cousin who has considerable experience of men says she doesn’t know a single man —-or a married one —–who wears a vest to bed.

I have always called them ‘singlets’ but my friend who is British calls them ‘vests’, the name I have adopted too.

She doesn’t mind if they’re coloured. She’s liberal that way.

It still seems a little ‘racy’ not wearing a vest underneath a shirt but I am getting used to it.

Still I pop on a vest whenever it gets cool

It makes me feel more whole.

 

  • what do you think of vests?

Two Men Go Into a Change Room

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There’s only one change room in the store.

I don’t check to see if it’s empty.

“Sorry”, I say to the guy who is trying on some clothes. “I’m in a bit of a hurry, do you mind?”

“That’s okay”, he says. “There’s room for two”.

I quietly disrobe and try on the gear.

Perfect fit!

“I’m good”, I say, changing hastily back.

So off I go to the counter, pay for my purchases which the assistant neatly puts in a bag, and head down the mall to  meet my mate for coffee. .

It is only when I sit down that I realize I’m wearing the other dude’s clothes.

Irony Side Up

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Would you bring my boxer shorts, mate?

You mean the ones with ‘The Most Perfect Man in the World’ emblazoned on the butt?

Yes, those, he chuckles.

I go into his room.

A half eaten meal, a stubbie with some beer in it, the radio still on.

A damp towel on the bed.

Signs of a quick exit.

A bit like the Marie Celeste.

Ahhh, I say as I fumble through his drawers.

A few minutes later I head off to The Remand Centre

Where TMPM has just been charged

For a cold case murder

18 years ago.

Beside me are the boxer shorts, neatly folded,

Irony side up.

A Long Angry Pair of Trousers

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You could hear them growling

as they came up the street

bristling with fury

mumbling obscenities

the long angry pair of trousers.

They were rumpled.

They were crumpled.

They had had a bad night.

They did not want to be there.

On him.

Anywhere butt.

They were positively scopophobic

but he didn’t get it.

so they squinched his anatomy.

soiled the cuffs.

Had he not noticed?

But they were all he had

So he wore them

Those long angry pair of trousers.