I felt cheated
by the short story writer
for page after phlegmatic page
leaving the characters fumbling
in the dark
in search of a plot —
and me, with them
Life Isn’t a Beanbag
I am reading a book of jokes
that looks like a book of poems
double-spaced typing, plenty of white space,
400 pages long.
almost unheard of unless it’s a ‘Collected’
& it’s by a comedian,
the comedian of comedians — Seinfeld
and it’s been 25 years in the making
so you’d think something with heft
like a comic ‘Crime & Punishment’, for instance.
Look, I wasn’t expecting Lenny Bruce or Richard Pryor
but this stuff was tame, kindergarten, Christmas cracker
material, vanilla, timid as marshmallow.
What I wanted to ask was:
where are the pangs, the pricks, the pranks
life has played on you? the prangs of relationships?
Your life couldn’t have been that cushiony, surely?
Life isn’t a beanbag, Jerry. Where is the dark matter?
All I’m saying is, you coulda done better.
After 25 years of nothing in print,
you coulda done better, Jerry. Will you give me that?
Please don’t try to colonize me.
I’m not unclaimed territory.
I own me.
*pic courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
… And Another Thing
And another thing …. What does it matter if you wear your hat inside?
My mate got told off by our host just for doing that. And my mate said, at least I don’t go around putting my feet on people’s poufs or coffee tables, having a dig at me.
Our host looked at both of us wondering what a pair of turkeys he had got in.
are manners truly arbitrary? which behaviours/ manners do you think are worth keeping?
A Long Angry Pair of Trousers
You could hear them growling
as they came up the street
bristling with fury
the long angry pair of trousers.
They were rumpled.
They were crumpled.
They had had a bad night.
They did not want to be there.
They were positively scopophobic
but he didn’t get it.
so they squinched his anatomy.
soiled the cuffs.
Had he not noticed?
But they were all he had
So he wore them
Those long angry pair of trousers.