I went back to the airport. This time I would do it. This time I would push on through.
The first part was easy, driving to the Drop Off point but once you got there, you had to keep on going. That was the tricky part. That’s where I messed up.
That time, the time I dropped my daughter off, I continued through , swinging around the roundabout but that’s where it got confusing, arrows pointing in all directions, a jumble of signs and always someone up your ass pushing you to speed up, for god’s sake.
That’s when it happened. A dark, chunky , sinister sedan pulled me over. It had AFP on the side. Australian Federal Police. An officer got out, walked up to my side window and tapped on it. I was packing it. What had I done? or more importantly what did he believe I had done. This was the age of terrorism. But did I look like a terrorist?
He questioned me briefly, took my license and walked back to his car. That’s when he got talking to someone. I assumed they were doing a police check on me, on the vehicle. All the time I could see him in the rear view watching me.
Finally he sauntered up to me, handed the licence back, and said I was free to go this time, but to be careful where I drove. What the hell did that mean? Where had I wandered?
That’s when I got the fear of driving to the airport to drop someone off or pick someone up.
But this time I did it. I made it all the way. History did not repeat itself. Woo Hoo !
After he had stormed off in his Volvo and got home to a torrent of texts, he responded with a fusillade of his own. It was like a naval battle at close quarters, with no quarter given. Someone was going down.
He got in the last word. That was unusual, Perhaps he had gone too far. He need not have said some of the things he said. One particular insult was, in retrospect, very cutting.
He texted a partial rebuttal before he hit the sack. No response. He texted again. And again. Perhaps he had gone too far. Had she…? O God no. It didn’t bear thinking about.
He buried his head under the pillow and tried to sleep. Eventually he crashed. But the nightmares ….
He awoke at six in the morning. His mobile lit up. His arm flew across to grab it. It was from her. A volley of vitriol.
My grandpappy loved puns. He was considered a pundit on the topic. He had a secret cache of punography stashed away in his room where he could be heard laughing maniacally late into the night. . Sadly he was confined to a Punatorium in the hope of curing him of this terrible affliction.
Someone once said you can measure the value of a pun by the volume of groans it elicits.
Grandad had three which he dished out wherever he went. A pony walks into a bar and croakily asks for a pint of beer. The barman has trouble understanding him. Sorry, says the pony, I’m a little hoarse. Out on my walk today, I spotted a Dalmatian. A teacher in a Year Nine English class, had trouble with a girl called Lichen. Give her time, a colleague said. She’ll grow on you. Boom boom ! Get it? A well-full of groans.
I didn’t know how freakishly thin he was till I saw the photo in ‘Far Out’ magazine of the young Nick Cave . What a head of hair, a squall of black, lean and loose-limbed, hardly anything of him, but a chiselled face staring knowingly and determinedly into the future. He knew what he wanted. He had the bridled brawn to do it. I have always admired thinness. the Nick Cave kind not the thinness of the heroin addicts I’d see in the backstreets of the city nor the thinness of the wan weakling I saw in the fish ‘n’ chip shop whom a mere breeze could bowl over but a macho sort of thinness that seems to have passed me by.