We were coming home from the pictures, dad and I —
we had seen one of the great ones: Gary Cooper in ‘High Noon’,
when an announcement came over the bus radio,
that the King had died. Everyone fell silent then as the announcer
proceeded with the details. I never knew the king — I was only a kid —
but later he meant much to me. I wear a silver ring now with his image
on the head for he was a stutterer too. But he overcame it.
Whenever I spoke in public and felt nerves coming on I looked at the face
Of King George VI
I’m on my own again.
My partner’s hit the sack.
The cat’s snuggled up in her basket.
Tiffany’s asleep in the tank, light out.
Even the mozzies have called it a day..
There’s nothing on TV.
Perhaps someone will text. Someone …
Is this what it’s going to be like?
I like them too.
I thought I was a basket case
But there’s this thirteen year old
I read about
Who takes anti-depressants
Two drugs for attention deficit disorder
& she takes what I take too.
I know growing up is tough
But I didn’t know it could be
Tough as this.
I could take other drugs,
Ones that she takes
But the doc reckons I’ve got this far
I can go the rest of the way.
I just hope that little thirteen year old kid
Makes it out of the forest okay.
*photo courtesy of Ulle
between 1.45 and 3.00 pm on Sunday
when I ducked in to get a pint of milk
but I only have to get tested if symptoms appear.
Now every cough
run of the nose
is freighted with significance
Talking to you was great.
I felt the weight
lift off me right away.
Going to you was like
passing from night to day.
You gave me validation.
Said what I was feeling
You were the genie that took
my anxiety away.
No more heft, no more gloom.
I floated out of that room.
have you got someone to talk to who can lift the weight right off your shoulders?
The trouble is I can’t let go.
I go in for a scan and am and told
they will contact me in due course.
Within days I hear nothing and think of phoning back.
How many days does it take to read a scan?
Persistence is a virtue but so too is Patience.
How to balance one against the other?
I phone back anyway.
I’m put on hold.
I’m always put on hold when I practice persistence.
Perhaps it’s a lesson.
Perhaps I should listen..
When does being persistent become pesky?
It’s tricky being human.
For nights and nights and nights I lay on my pillow, worrying, listening to the rain, even though the skies were clear and starlit and the moon shone through my window like a lantern and I wondered what else I was hearing that wasn’t there or not hearing that was until one day I had my ears syringed with warm water and the wax flowed out in little honey-coloured clumps into a dish the nurse held for me and I no longer heard it rain except when it did.
You’re my Oxycontin
My Iron Jack
My slug of Scotch
My Gin & Tonic
My second glass of red
My six-pack of beer
My magic board that surfs over anxiety & tedium
Just the thing for a long flight
my paperback of Tim Winton’s ‘Breath’