I don’t know what Pachelbel would make of it but
When I’m put on hold for a wine club query,
His canon plays. Actually I’m a member of a number
Of wine clubs which may say more about me
Than Pachelbel whose canon plays as on-hold music
For each of them.
I would have thought Chumbawamba’s ‘Tubthumping’
would have been more appropriate, if less soothing,
or Roger Miller’s Chug-A-Lug or, for a bit of class,
Mario Lanza’s Drink, Drink, Drink but Pachelbel it is.
I don’t know If Pachelbel was fond of a glass
or two in the evenings
Or when he was composing his hypnotic canon.
He may have been a member of a wine club himself
In which case —excuse the pun — he would be tickled
Pink, especially if a Rose man.
when you are put on hold, are you annoyed or pleased by the music that is played?
have you ever discovered a song though being put on hold?
I saw a sparrow hop across the carpet
in the library
toward the Express Collection Shelf.
I flicked my head
like an illusionist’s cape
& it was gone.
I went back to the article about Stevie Van Zandt
& his Summer of Sorcery Tour
& the sparrow
With another flick of my head
into a series of tan dots — & dashes.
Time to head off
to the optometrist again.
I was tearing along the coastal route
The little white horses racing into shore
When this song came over the radio
And galloped into my heart.
I pulled over onto the shoulder.
I was transported.
I closed my eyes and let the music
8.30 seconds later I was released.
It was good to hear Derek and The Dominoes again.
It was good to hear ‘Layla’
What songs stop you in your tracks, transport you to other places? What songs do you pull over for?
We’d just got back from the beach.
I pulled out a book, she put on a CD.
Peaceful, floaty music.
Music to paddle-board to.
But then it changed.
The tempo picked up, the violinists
Like The Two Cellos playing AC/DC.
It was ‘Winter’ by Vivaldi.
I thought, what’s there to get worked up about
Spring, yes, but Winter?
Sluggish, soporific Winter.
But those violins were working up a storm.
You do get storms in winter —gusts, gales, blizzards.
I wanted to get up and fight someone.
One minute I was paddle boarding, the next
I was tumbling in the wild surf.
You just can’t trust classical music.
have you ever come across a piece of music, rock or classical, that changes stride suddenly and drastically?
when I go off the rails
I’ll eat strawberry flan and chocolate cheese cake
wear my slippers to the shopping mall
my pj’s to the mail box
play my beethoven string quartets real loud like I did
my elvis records when I was fifteen
when I go off the rails I won’t be nice to mr fydler
just because he’s a senior
nor put the tv down when my kids ask me to
nor empty the dishwasher when
I don’t eat home at night
when I go off the rails
I’ll leave my newspapers just where I’ve read them
blare my horn all morning just to let my neighbors know
I’ve got one too
say what I really get up to when I “ go for a walk “
change my pass word on the internet so my brother-in-law
can’t sneak on
and when I go off the rails
like tootle the train engine
in the meadow
I hope no one puts me
back on track
We sat beneath the green gazebo
Just me, myself and my mate Zero
No chances had come our way
We had nothing much to say
But our hearts were big and bold as Rio
One day, we dreamt, we’d all be heroes
[ apologies to David Bowie ]
What’s your name?
Really? You’re famous.
Bugsy, I suggest? Dorothy, the film star? John Malone, the media magnate?
Never heard of them. No.None of those, she says. Post Malone.
What a stupid name.Never heard of him.
You should check him out. He’s on You Tube. He’s a real cool guy.
So I do. She’s right. Now I play him all the time. My namesake. How cool to share your name with a famous rapper.