The Problem of Pachelbel

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I don’t know what Pachelbel would make of it but

When I’m put on hold for a wine club query,

His canon plays. Actually I’m a member of a number

Of wine clubs which may say more about me

Than Pachelbel whose canon plays as on-hold music

For each of them.

 

I would have thought Chumbawamba’s ‘Tubthumping’

would have been more appropriate, if less soothing,

or Roger Miller’s Chug-A-Lug or, for a bit of class,

Mario Lanza’s Drink, Drink, Drink but Pachelbel it is.

 

I don’t know If Pachelbel was fond of a glass

or two in the evenings

Or when he was composing his hypnotic canon.

He may have been a member of a wine club himself

In which case —excuse the pun — he would be tickled

Pink, especially if a Rose man.

 

when you are put on hold, are you annoyed or pleased by the music that is played? 

have you ever discovered a song though being put on hold?

Sparrow in the Library

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I saw a sparrow hop across the carpet

in the library

toward the Express Collection Shelf.

I flicked my head

like an illusionist’s cape

& it was gone.

I went back to the article about Stevie Van Zandt

& his Summer of Sorcery Tour

& the sparrow

appeared again.

With another flick of my head

it reassembled

into a series of tan dots — & dashes.

Time to head off

to the optometrist again.

Little White Horses

 

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I was tearing along the coastal route

The little white horses racing into shore

When this song came over the radio

And galloped into my heart.

I pulled over onto the shoulder.

I was transported.

I closed my eyes and let the music

Take me.

8.30 seconds later I was released.

It was good to hear Derek and The Dominoes again.

It was good to hear ‘Layla’

 

What songs stop you in your tracks, transport you to other places? What songs do you pull over for?

 

I Never Heard It Coming

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We’d just got back from the beach.

I pulled out a book, she put on a CD.

Peaceful, floaty music.

Music to paddle-board to.

But then it changed.

The tempo picked up, the violinists

Played furiously

Like The Two Cellos playing AC/DC.

It was ‘Winter’ by Vivaldi.

I thought, what’s there to get worked up about

With Winter?

Spring, yes, but Winter?

Sluggish, soporific Winter.

But those violins were working up a storm.

You do get storms in winter —gusts, gales, blizzards.

I wanted to get up and fight someone.

Bloody Vivaldi.

One minute I was paddle boarding, the next

I was tumbling in the wild surf.

You just can’t trust classical music.

 

have you ever come across a piece of music, rock or classical, that changes stride suddenly and drastically?

 

 

Off the Rails

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when I go off the rails

I’ll eat strawberry flan and chocolate cheese cake

wear my slippers to the shopping mall

my pj’s to the mail box

play my beethoven string quartets real loud like I did

my elvis records when I was fifteen

when I go off the rails I won’t be nice to mr fydler

just because he’s a senior

nor put the tv down when my kids ask me to

nor empty the dishwasher when

I don’t eat home at night

when I go off the rails

I’ll leave my newspapers just where I’ve read them

blare my horn all morning just to let my neighbors know

I’ve got one too

say what I really get up to when I “ go for a walk “

change my pass word on the internet so my brother-in-law

can’t sneak on

and when I go off the rails

like tootle the train engine

chasing butterflies

in the meadow

I hope no one puts me

back on track

too soon

 

Green Gazebo #4

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We sat beneath the green gazebo

Just me, myself and my mate Zero

No chances had come our way

We had nothing much to say

But our hearts were big and bold as Rio

One day, we dreamt, we’d all be heroes

 

[ apologies to David Bowie ]

Pre- Post Malone

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What’s your name?

Malone.

Really? You’re famous.

Bugsy, I suggest? Dorothy, the film star? John Malone, the media magnate?

Never heard of them. No.None of those, she says. Post Malone.

Who?

The rapper.

What a stupid name.Never heard of him.

You should check him out. He’s on You Tube. He’s a real cool guy.

So I do. She’s right. Now I play him all the time. My namesake. How cool to share your name with a famous rapper.