Lord Nelson

Do you think I should bring him in?

Who?

Lord Nelson.

Lord Nelson of the Admiralty? Yes, especially if he’s pacing up and down the driveway, as though it’s the quarterdeck of the HMS Victory. People will think he’s bonkers. He’ll be wanting an eye-patch next.

*pic courtesy of pinterest

Meatloaf: a Mash-up

When I was a horny teen, I sometimes dreamt of finding

paradise by the dashboard lights, but dad wouldn’t let me

have his car so that was that; my big brother who was into

philosophy, said, don’t worry, buddy, heaven can wait;

you don’t know what you’re talking about, I snapped.

I found a gal and we went for it. like bats out of hell.

I didn’t have a big motorcycle, or a belting voice

but I found a gal I hit it off with , so I said to my brother,

hey man, two out of three ain’t bad

*pic courtesy of Wikipedia

I Never Heard it Coming


We’d just got back from the beach.
I pulled out a book, she put on a CD.
Peaceful, floaty music.
Music to paddle-board to.
But then it changed.
The tempo picked up, the violinists
Played furiously
Like The Two Cellos playing AC/DC.
It was ‘Winter’ by Vivaldi.
I thought, what’s there to get worked up about
With Winter?
Spring, yes, but Winter?
Sluggish, soporific Winter.
But those violins were working up a storm.
You do get storms in winter —gusts, gales, blizzards.
I wanted to get up and fight someone.
Bloody Vivaldi.
All I wanted was Peace. And I got Fury.
You just can’t trust classical music

*pic by Pinterest

Off the Rails


 when I go off the rails

I’ll eat strawberry flan and chocolate cheese cake

wear my slippers to the shopping mall

my pj’s to the mail box

play my beethoven string quartets real loud like I did

my elvis records when I was fifteen

when I go off the rails I won’t be nice to mr fydler
just because he’s a senior

nor put the tv down when my kids ask me to

nor empty the dishwasher when

I don’t eat home at night

when I go off the rails

I’ll leave my newspapers just where I’ve read them

blare my horn all morning just to let my neighbors know
I’ve got one too

say what I really get up to when I “ go for a walk “

change my pass word on the internet so my brother-in-law
can’t sneak on

and when I go off the rails

like tootle the train engine

chasing butterflies

in the meadow

I hope no one puts me

back on track

too soon
 

The Lions

Do I have to tame you?

You’re not lions.

And this little backyard outside my unit

is not a cage

so why don’t you behave?

I only watered you a few times during the week

and you burst out like a prison break.

You leave me no choice.

No, no, it’s too late to plead.

These shears will prune you back

to more modest dimensions.

Don’t worry. The bees will still come.

the yellow-shouldered honey-eaters and wattle birds

still visit

& I’ll still write poems about you.

All will be well.

But such profuseness ….

*pic courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Rattle and Ho Hum

 
 I rattle the biscuit tin.

You coming in? I say.

Nah, she says, I’m waiting for a friend.

That mangy old tom I saw you with last night down by the chook shed?

Go easy, she says. I don’t talk about your friends like that.

Look, I say, it’s reaching the ungodly hour of 9.30. I’m going to hit the sack. You coming in?

Silence.

Well, don’t forget. Santa’s coming tonight. He might have something for you. Be good.

She looks at me nonpussed.
 

The Animals in Me

I have been called an ostrich for burying my head in the sand,

a mole for burrowing down to my zone of creativity,

quiet, unreachable,

a creepy lizard by a former girlfriend,

a snail for withdrawing inside my shell when I watch TV,

but best of all a bear, Johnny Bear, a much loved character

from my partner’s childhood, who lived with Grump, his mother

in Yellowstone Park in the book by Ernest Thompson Seton

which I am now devouring like the bookworm I am.

*which animals have you sometimes been compared to?

Expect the Unexpected

Someone once said to me, Expect the Unexpected.

It seemed daring at the time so I took it on board.

The only problem was because I expected the Unexpected all the time I wasn’t really surprised when it happened.

It was expected right?

Life was losing its surprise factor.

I felt heavy as a bag of cement.

My counsellor suggested — wait for it — Expect the Expected.

So I do,

When the Unexpected happens I light up.

I’m happy,